‘Where did I come from, Mommy?’ The question parents dread as more kids are born via egg donation. Now help is at hand from Down-Under!
Australian mum-of-two, Fiona Katouskas took matters into her own hands – for a very modern take on the birds and the bees!
Peter Mayle wrote his hilarious best-seller: ‘Where did I come from? in 1973.’ I love this down-to-earth and accurate book, and gave loads of copies to reticent friends over the years. Kids, I believe, need to know this stuff from a very early age.
Who doesn’t love the story of their arrival? If you do it right from the start there’s no need for awkwardness or fudging the issues or a book with the sub-title: ‘first aid for embarrassed parents everywhere.’
Things have changed a lot in the world of baby-making in the intervening 40 years. Ms Katouskas, a political cartoonist in Sydney, did the research and got to work with pen and paints. The result is ‘The Amazing True Story of How Babies are Made’ which goes on sale this week.
‘I wanted to be a bit more scientific and clearer in my approach, and to show the mechanics of everything’, explains Katouskas. ‘Since 1973 assisted reproduction has become increasingly common. It’s also part of the story of how egg meets sperm – although they do it in a different way.’
More children are born from donor gametes as couples turn to sperm and egg donation to conceive the baby of their dreams. This is included in the story rather than as an add-on at the end. ‘A friend of mine had to explain egg donation to her son with a special book from the clinic which made him feel like he was different. I was sure to add in these alternative options after the natural conception section and before the bit where the baby grows. That way kids know they grow the same way as everyone else,’ reveals Katouskas.
In covering birth and delivery C-Sections and premature births are included, too.
‘By mentioning these things briefly, kids who were premature and born by caesarian feel included and realize that while pregnancy and birth are amazing there are lots of different elements to it.’
Family dynamics have moved right along since the 1970’s Mom, Dad and Junior cliché. Fiona Katouskas shows all kinds of different families along with same-sex ones.
‘There are so many different types of families and kids who have two mums or dads pick it up right away, whereas some people don’t notice it at all,’ she notes.
In keeping with Mayle’s style of humor and accuracy The Amazing True Story of How Babies are Made is sweet and funny.
‘If parents and kids can sit together and have a laugh about it, it diffuses some of the nervousness and is a great way to educate,’ concludes Ms Katouskas.
Egg donation is relatively new for Irish couples struggling with infertility. It’s legal, but medical guidelines prohibit payment to donors. Unless it’s a privately arranged transaction with a sister or friend, donors are not easy to find. More and more IVF Clinics have links abroad and freely offer egg donation. These are from paid donors and continued anonymity is guaranteed for both sides. Details of medical history and physical characteristics – color of hair, number of siblings personal likes and dislikes are given to intending parents.
I’m an IVF therapist and fertility coach, I see a lot of women who decide, along with their partners/husbands, to draw a veil of secrecy over their child’s origins. They feel there’s nothing to be gained for the child/teen/adult in revealing their decision to use donor egg or sperm.
Three years ago Niamh and her husband had a baby.
‘When you want a child so badly and you’ve waited so long, you’d do anything to get pregnant. The stigma of using donor eggs is even worse than donor sperm – I couldn’t possibly tell my family. How can I feel my child the truth? Now I’m left with this huge secret to carry,’ she told me.
The truth about my pregnancy and the facts of life for modern kids … What do you think?
How do you answer when your child asks, ‘Where do I come from, Mommy?’
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